You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
