Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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