So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
