She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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