Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize