I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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