If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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