then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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