He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
