the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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