so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
