hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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