I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??