His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?