You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
