i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.