What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she smelled like a LAN party
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is classic penis vs brain.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
