I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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