she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
