awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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