My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
