People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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