Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
