We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
