Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
