Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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