Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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