Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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