4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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