So drunk its hurt
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
