I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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