fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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