I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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