New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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