seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize