You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
