well you can't waste a boner
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
