is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
