I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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