The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
