Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
