im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
