You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
