D3 body, D1 cock
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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