So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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