You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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