he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I party with great urgency now.
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