But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
