I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
