he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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