I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
