You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
