btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
