ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
