im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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