Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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