So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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