We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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