Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
