I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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