I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
