i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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