Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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