one two three fourrrrnication!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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