And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
