I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
