you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
