Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
