If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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