Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
