where does the pee come out of this thing
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
